Monday, January 21, 2013

Finally Ready

I wrote this post several months, maybe even a year ago. I never published it and every time I read it, my eyes would fill up with tears. While I still miss him terribly, even now, I can finally look back with a smile and a warm feeling in my heart (ok, and maybe still a tear or two). Sadly, another friend is now dealing with this. It reminded me that I still had not shared this and maybe now was the right time.

Yesterday morning, I learned a friend had lost a pet. Their beloved cat had been hit by a car. My heart went out to her and her family. It brought back a lot of memories of the Poot. I sent her texts saying how I was sorry but I wanted more than anything to give her a real hug. Unfortunately, she doesn't live nearby so messages would have to do.

I know it may seem silly to some people, but Poot will always be my first "baby". I still miss him today. I still look at the spots where he'd be and picture him there. I still long for the weight of his body curling up in bed with me. I wish I could still hold him. The fact that I'm crying as I write this tells me I'm still not ready let go. I'm sure one day I will be.

Just not today.

Today, I will look at his pictures. I will see him coming down the stairs. I will hear him begging to brushed. I feel him purring as he lies against me, happy as he ever was. I will imagine he's still here. And I will cry. Because he's not. And I will cry because someone who loved me unconditionally, never cared who I was or what I did, who brought me nothing but joy, love and laughter is gone forever.

And I will smile. Because I had him in my life for ten years. Because for 10 years, I was someone's whole world.

So remember, my friend, it will hurt today. It will hurt tomorrow. It may even hurt months from now. But there will come a day that you'll smile through the tears. When you'll laugh as you wipe your eyes. No one can say when that day is and it's different for each person.

Take your time. You'll know when you're ready. And I have a limitless supply of hugs.

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